My first few days in a software company

I joined a Software company as a trainee in January, 2015. I must say it took me some time to get used to this environment. Being an engineering student I have my own speed and preferred way of doing things. Anyone who is also an engineering student will understand that we have a habit of working under pressure. This is how we pass our semester exams with presentable marks. We can't just be consistently working and complete a scheduled task well before time. It's the work done under pressure of deadline or fear of losing that extracts the best out of us. That's who we are..we are engineers. 

I must say things here are weird as I have never been to a software company ever. No one in my family has. Rather it was my first ever "office experience", excluding the casual trips to my parents' offices. Coming to office every day, sitting 8-9 hours facing an emotionless knowledge box (the computer in my cubicle) and figuring out C language codes… it doesn't attract me yet.

Although, this wasn't unexpected but finally being here as a part of this lifeless air in the cubicles amidst the random "tick- tick" of keyboard and faint mouse clicks, I now understand the value of "having interest" in one's work. Why I am saying this? May be I don't have interest in programming. Or it's the unfamiliar and workaholic working conditions. In college, it was all about handling things as they come, life was uncertain and exciting. Now it's just long C language codes (by long I mean around 800 lines only in the main function), data sheets and command prompt screen.  

While sitting in my cubicle I crave to rush out of the centrally cooled, sealed and corked building, see the world outside. The only relief from the damp environment is the fellow workers who are like me, just with more experience and capacity to work here. I have observed people around me; they all work and joke around often. Sometimes I hear chatter and laughter from the next cubicle discussing about a new movie or a prank played over a colleague by sending a fake invitation to every team member announcing his marriage. Such things restore my interest to this changed life. 

It might take a while to get used to a professional life. I do miss the days when I could just lie around doing nothing, ROFL-ing with friends and planning a day which may or may not include attending lectures, sleeping or texting during class and tensions didn't stick along for long. 

College days won't come back, what can happen is me getting used to the new life, accepting the change and be a part of it. I am a fighter, won't give up easily! 

Growing Up

Growing up is an interesting phenomenon. I have always thought why as kids we were so curious about the world around us. I remember how I asked all kinds of absurd questions to my father when I was around 5 – 15 years of age. I was a super curious child, had doubts about almost everything; Why is milk white in color? Why are all the leaves of a tree of the same shape? Why can't we understand animal sounds? Why do people die? These questions seem pretty deep now but at that time I just blurted them out and my father always had graspable answers for me. As a child we never really worry much about consequences of being extremely original and outright. This gradually fades away with age if not maintained.

Growing up is a matter of state of mind. It is rightly said we are as young as we feel. I am fascinated with the changes in me during this process of developing mental maturity. I have felt happiness in certain situations which denote I did grow up mentally from what I was. This post is dedicated to those small realizations I underwent in daily life, which might point out gradual evolution from being puerile to grown up. 

These small things did bring joy and helped me to see the brighter side of maturity.

Some of those are mentioned here: 

• Keeping calm and smiling off criticism. It takes courage to hold back when people condemn you. This reminds me of Lord Buddha. A man used to insult him often, but Lord Buddha never felt offended or replied back. On being asked the reason for being so calm, he simply replied : 

     "If someone gives you a gift and you refuse to accept it, to whom does the gift belong?"

     #SarcasmAlert

• Waiting patiently in a queue and not getting frustrated easily. But this might drastically fail in case of internet queuing or waiting for the loading to complete. 

• Taking responsibility and finding solutions on your own. Blaming others doesn't lead you anywhere rather makes you powerless over your own life.

• Radiating positivity. Making the best of what you have and never forgetting how awesome you can be.

• Sorting out the inner conflicts and choosing the very first solution popping in head. Believe it or not, the first ones are mostly right.

• Not getting emotionally attached to material possessions and prioritizing experiences rather than mundane objects. Clinging on to things makes it tough for us to cope up with the transforming world.

• Avoiding assumptions about people before knowing them and giving second thought before criticizing. Preconceived notions will always lead to disappointment, be it about assessing a person or situation.  

• Making your own life-fundas. If you don't have your own experiences you are not living it right.

• Being independent and self sufficient in your journeys. Handling things your own way makes you feel stronger and grown up.

All these were felt and cherished by me in recent times. May be they don't actually show that I am mature enough but it’s good to be on the right path. We are taught by our parents till a certain age and gradually we learn things on our own, finding our own paths. This reminds me of my father teaching me to ride a bicycle, he held the cycle from behind not letting it fall and I gradually paddled. I paddled for a few minutes and didn't even realize that he was left behind and I was on my own. So, we grow when we hold the handles strong, keep ourselves focused and paddle away with positivity. Falling down once in awhile will make us stronger and go farther.

My Onion Soul

Onions have layers. The outermost layer is for the world to see, for bearing all the hardships of life and protecting the inner rich layers. These outside rugged layers handle the heat, pressure, dirt and all such wear and tear. They also deceive the world about what’s inside.

The more we peel an onion, richer the layers get. These inner layers are the energy containing parts which contain the food, the zest of life. The more layers you remove, the closer you get to real life.

Similar to this onion is my soul – the real “me”.

I am a thinker. Thinking gives me wings and makes me fly to unknown worlds. When I am physically idle, I am constantly thinking. The practical world around me has no relation to what’s cooking in my head. I may be reading or even taking a bath and might as well be thinking about the thrill felt while trekking. So, I have this inner self which is creative, sensitive, emotional, rebellious and also funny.

I want to preserve my inner thinker from the world outside. Like the onion, I keep layers of protective sheets over it, disguising myself like any other common person. I don't want to expose my soul to the manipulative world. I might be funny or absurdly hilarious from outside but honestly some other track is playing in my mind that time. I might be chattering about some stupid stuff, but inside, I might be going through all feasible or infeasible options to help a friend who is upset.

You might be thinking I am scared of revealing my real self or I am an introvert. Why do I need to hide my inner self? Why do I have an ‘onion soul”?

Probably I have been asking this to myself a lot. I have figured out many reasons:

#BulletPointsRock

• May be I am afraid if I remove the sheets and reveal my inner thinker,people might not like me, they might find me weird and not funny as they think now.
• Fear of myself being projected as a selfish person.
• The weird me. One who is weird in every way; thoughts, emotions, desires. Weirdness is cool but not smoothly accepted in real world.
• My inner thinker considers itself as - utterly awesome. So, I am not sure if the world is ready to know “the secret ingredient”(this one is surely inspired from Kung Fu Panda but its true).

So, I think it’s actually good to have a place only for you, away from the world, even from your best buddies sometimes. That place should be preserved, a private place where I can be “me” and only “me”. A place away from social obligations and judgemental society. A place ridden of rushed decisions and based on free thoughts. My onion soul under the rugged covers.